Don’t Stop Dreaming Just Because You Had a Nightmare

When I was in treatment it was one day at a time, one foot in front of the other. You focus on the present because contemplating the short term, with all the impending treatment, makes you want to run screaming to the nearest wardrobe and lock yourself away. Contemplating the long term future starts with ‘will I even have one?’ It’s all pretty scary.

Suddenly it’s over and you start the long road to recovery from the physical and psychological affects of it all. For me, one of the greatest challenges has been making any kind of future plans.

My husband talked about an overseas holiday next year and perhaps buying the discounted early bird tickets but I was nervous about recurrence and losing all that money.

My daughter, whose still years away from having children, laughed about potential baby names and I wondered if I’d be alive to meet them. When I tried to joke back she thought I was putting pressure on her. I think I was trying to laugh away my own anxiety. It didn’t work.

My friends at yoga tell me that this kind of thinking is unhealthy. I need to focus on the positive and to ‘not attract that negative energy into my life’. There was a time when I believed this absolutely, and then I didn’t. During my treatment, well meaning people have occasionally sent me articles about all forms of alternative or complimentary treatment essentially being no better than the placebo effect.

It was disheartening.

If all this time and effort to be as positive as possible (while still allowing for the normal range of human emotions) wasn’t going to make any difference then why bother? I carried that thought around for a while and then realised it wasn’t a hypothetical question. I needed to answer it.

My answer to ‘why bother?’ was that finding ways to be happy and joyful made my quality of life better on a day to day basis, even if it had no impact on my survival odds. I also decided that it made me better company, more likely to hold on to those friendships and relationships I valued and, at the very least, a better way to spend my time than staying in bed in a dark room and crying all the time.

Slowly, slowly I’ve reclaimed my future. I’ve started by buying theatre tickets for a show that’s several months away. I’ve booked events that don’t appear on this year’s calendar. These are cautious first steps.

Recently I took my beautiful daughter to Billabong Retreat in Maralya (NSW Australia). It was an inspirational few days. Healthy food, wonderful yoga and deeply committed staff that really care about making sure everyone has a great time. They showed a movie by an Australian journalist called ‘The Connection: Mind Your Body’.

Shannon Harvey was diagnosed with an auto-immune disease and used a combination of mainstream medicine and complimentary medicine to recover. She decided to make ‘the documentary I wanted to see when I was diagnosed’. It’s described as a film ‘…about how the latest scientific research is proving that there is a direct connection between your mind and your body when it comes to your health.’

This is not hippy-dippy crystal gazing. This is eminent, highly qualified experts from leading universities and teaching hospitals talking about legitimate scientific research. Their testimony is interspersed with true stories of recovery and wonderful insights into the way stress affects every one of us.

I was really pleased to see one of the experts draw the same conclusions I have about the placebo effect. Why do we say ‘It’s JUST the placebo effect’, as if we’ve conclusively dismissed any treatment by doing so? True, the placebo effect does describe situations where the subjective opinions of the patient are possibly the only thing that’s been altered; a person in pain is given a sugar pill and reports feeling better. But the placebo effect also applies in circumstances where there’s a measurable physiological response; people with irritable bowel syndrome given a sugar pill were cured (and the really impressive thing about this particular study is that they were told it was a sugar pill, and that due to something called the placebo effect their doctor thought it might help them!).

What’s going on here? People are curing themselves with belief. The trouble with the placebo effect is that it’s associated with people being duped. You buy the snake oil and convince yourself that it’s worked, even when there’s no observable difference. I think we need two terms; one for this phenomenon where people incorrectly believe something helped them and one for circumstances where people are actually better.

Of course, even just feeling better or thinking that you’re better is no small thing. Ask anyone with chronic pain what they’d give to live pain free. If belief and a sugar pill (or a crystal necklace or a copper bracelet) can make someone believe that they are in less pain, that’s not a small thing.

By a wonderful coincidence I watched this movie while sitting next to Karen, another woman enjoying the Billabong Retreat. Karen has stage four breast cancer. To the uninitiated, that means her cancer has now metastasised and is considered untreatable. Her doctors have given her palliative chemotherapy in the form of a tablet that she takes with meals. Palliative, of course, means ‘making your death less painful’. There is no cure.

Karen was given this diagnosis five years ago.

Wait………WHAT?

Five years ago her doctors used the word ‘terminal’ and she just decided to keep living. She was at the retreat because they’ve only recently found another tumour on her liver. She looks well. She’s not what you think of when you hear the phrase ‘terminal cancer’. She believes that taking time out to relax, meditate, eat well and do yoga will help her to keep on living. Having watched ‘The Connection’ with her, I know she’s on the right track.

Karen’s thinking is that she has a health condition that requires management, just like hypertension or diabetes or asthma. Without management she might die. Just like hypertension or diabetes or asthma. She’s taken the fear out of her diagnosis. She is joyful and genuinely inspirational. She jokes that life is a terminal condition. Every one of us will die one day so why should she waste time obsessing about cancer. I’m sure she’s had dark days too, but she reminds me of the famous Shawshank Redemption quote; get busy living or get busy dying.

There are those that believe people come into our lives for a reason, and those that believe it’s all just coincidence. Either way, I’m very glad I met Karen. We spent time after the movie discussing the impact of the things that doctors say to us. In an environment where their fear of litigation is stronger than their desire for patient’s peace of mind, they now give us detailed descriptions of all the things that might go wrong. Based on the research we saw in this movie, it’s possible that this single change in procedure could be having a significant impact on patient outcomes. Trust in our doctors has an impact on our recovery.

I want skeptics to see this movie. I want them to understand that their well-meaning condemnation of anything that isn’t mainstream has the potential to compromise someone’s recovery. If you have someone like that in your life you might like to get them a copy. Here’s the link:

The Connection: Mind Your Body

In between retreat activities, Karen was photographing dew drops hanging from a native plant. She’s an artist. She commented on what a beautiful painting the image would make. She gave me a brochure for the Artists Trail that she’s a part of. In the whole of the time I spent with her, I never once heard her say anything like ‘if I’m still here’. Most people at the retreat had no idea about her health. She chose not to tell them.

I’ve been paying a lot of attention to my internal and external dialogue as part of my recovery. Having met Karen and seen this movie I’m now putting renewed energy into it. I don’t say ‘my cancer’ because I prefer to speak of it in the past tense. It’s ‘the cancer that I had’ or ‘the cancer I was treated for’.

I no longer routinely mention my medical history to people, although, to be honest, this one still needs some work. I’m proud of how well I’m doing and how, in spite of being told I’d have permanently restricted arm movement I’m now managing yoga poses that I’ve never done before. Ego. I need to relegate cancer to my history. That’s somebody that I used to be. I need to focus on who I am today.

This morning someone posted this meme on Facebook.
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How timely. What a great reminder.

Today I’m going to enrol in a twelve week permaculture course. I’ve been living permaculture since my twenties and I’ve always wanted to participate in formal training. I’ll be there every Saturday with a bunch of other Permies, getting my hands dirty and thinking about what other food plants I can squeeze into the garden.

I’ll plant at least one avocado. They take five to seven years to bear fruit. When my brain says ‘Will you ever see that fruit?’ I will thank it for trying (in its clumsy way) to keep me safe and spare me grief. Then I’ll go and find some great guacamole recipes. When the new tree bears fruit I’ll invite Karen over for lunch.

Don’t Say Don’t And Ban The Bullies

Sometimes there’s a confluence, an influx of information that all seems to resonate. I’ve had one of those weeks.

It started with this thought:

What if, the next time you went to see your doctor, they told you that no matter what you did you would never weigh less than you do today? What if your doctor said you had some rare metabolic condition, so it was possible for you to gain weight but not to lose it. Ever. You could become fitter and better toned through exercise. You could improve your health and the appearance of your skin, hair and eyes with diet, but you could never, ever lose weight.

What would change?

My thinking around this issue started with last week’s post about The Fast Diet. While I’ve had great success with it, I think the key to sticking with it started before I read the book. I decided to love my body exactly as it was. I decided to abandon negative self-talk and criticism and to focus on what I loved about my body. At the time I was dealing with an extra six kilos as a consequence of treatment. Contrary to popular belief, cancer treatment doesn’t make everyone thin! I was also carrying the same ten kilos that I gained during my pregnancy over twenty years ago.

I can remember what triggered my shift in attitude. I saw photographs of myself from a night out with my family. I thought, “Oh no! Look how fat I am!” I had gone out feeling great and thinking I looked stylish and when I looked at these images all I could see was a huge, middle aged fat lady in a sequinned top. I cried. Then my daughter said, “Oh Mum! Please stop being so hard on yourself. Your body is fighting cancer! That’s enough for now. You can worry about your weight later.”

My daughter is very wise. This isn’t the first time she’s shifted my thinking. I realised that I’d been indulging in the worst kind of bullying. I had been speaking to myself in a way that I would never, ever speak to someone else.

I stopped beating myself up. I started noticing what I liked about my body. What I liked most of all was how aggressively my body pushed back against the cancer. During chemotherapy my doctor was amazed by my blood work. During radiation my skin held up under the onslaught and my mind pushed back against the overwhelming sense that I was now a commodity to be farmed, like a sack of potatoes on a conveyor belt. (The barcode they gave me at the clinic didn’t help.)

I kept up my yoga all through treatment and noticed the difference in my energy levels when ever I would spend time on my mat. Slowly, slowly as I recovered from treatment I found a new strength and flexibility. My yoga teacher, Emma, reminds me to “be in the body you have today” and to recognise that the body I am in tomorrow will be a different body. This was a powerful message to me when I was dealing with the long term side effects of chemotherapy, radiation and surgical removal of both breasts.

This week, Emma and I had a coffee together and she remarked on how far I’d come. I was told I’d have permanently compromised range of movement in my arms. I don’t. I was told that the arthritis they picked up in my bone scans would mean a life-long requirement for daily pain relief. It doesn’t. Lately I’m noticing how well I’m feeling.

People sometimes comment on how well I coped with the mastectomy. I suppose I just accepted it. I grieved. And then I moved on. It is what it is. I don’t look in the mirror and wish I had breasts. I look in the mirror and think about how amazing it is that I’m still alive. I think about all that my body has been through and how amazing it is that, in spite of all that, the body wants to heal. We are all programmed for good health. I will never have breasts again by my body has done everything possible to work around this massive surgery.

This week I’ve been reading articles about climate change and how, if we want people to understand that crisis, we need to talk about the kind of future we could have in a positive way. Scare tactics just send people in the opposite direction. Nobody wants to bullied or terrified.

I’ve also read an article about the sub-conscious mind and an author’s theory that it can’t understand a negative statement. His theory, essentially, is that when you say “don’t eat chocolate!” your subconscious hears “Eat chocolate!”. His cure for insomnia is to stop saying “I can’t sleep” and to start saying “When I go to bed tonight I’m going to have a deep and restful sleep” because your subconscious will agree with either statement. So if you say “I can’t sleep” your subconscious says, “Okay.”

It’s an interesting theory. Perhaps it’s even simpler. Perhaps it’s just that we all respond the same way to negativity, bullying and catastrophising. We push back.

When I made the decision to love my body exactly the way it is, it naturally followed that I wanted to feed my body well. I wanted to make sure I ate healthy food, avoided alcohol and looked for ways to maximise my chances of living a long and healthy life. I didn’t start The Fast Diet to lose weight or because I was ashamed of the way I looked. I started it because I was convinced by the research that it would help me to prevent cancer.

I’ve always considered myself a work in progress. Over the years I’ve broken bad habits (even that language is interesting), I’ve improved my mind, I’ve become more tolerant and compassionate and I’ve come to feel more and more comfortable in my own skin. Looking back, I can see that change usually happened because an idea was compelling, a truth was apparent or because someone close to me kindly and gently invited me to change. My failures have all included attempts at bullying, either internally or externally.

Nobody likes to give a bully what they want, even when they are the bully.

So I’m heading off to a yoga retreat for some self-nurturing and some time with one of the wisest people I know. We’ll eat healthy food, stretch and breathe and delight in our bodies and return home refreshed and recharged.

It seems to me that being positive has a much deeper meaning than the way it is commonly understood. If we’re going to achieve any lasting change we need to frame it in a positive way. “I will eat nourishing food” is far more powerful than “I won’t eat sugar”. “I will devote some time each day to being physically fitter” is far more powerful than “I will lose weight.” It’s a lot more enjoyable to achieve something than to avoid it.

So back to my original proposition. What if your doctor told you that you could never lose weight? I think the answer for most of us is that we would accept the diagnosis and start focusing on what we COULD do. We’d eat well and enjoy our food without self-recrimination. We’d abandon self-bullying diets and adopt the kind of eating pattern that included a few treats while emphasising sound nutrition. We’d exercise for the pleasure of it, enjoying it for its own sake without jumping on the scales to see if we’d dropped weight.

This is just a thought exercise but a lot of us have already had some practice. My breasts aren’t growing back. I have chosen not to have reconstruction, but those that have chosen it tell me that they still need to accept that their bodies will not be the same. We know that if we’re going to overcome what cancer has done to us, then acceptance and loving the body we have right now is part of it.

So this is my invitation to love your amazing, wonderful body. Think about all of the extraordinary things your body achieves every single day. Listen to the way you talk to yourself and apply this simple test; if you said that out loud to someone else, how would they respond?

My Top 13 Surprising Things About The Fast Diet

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Regular readers will know that I’ve been following The Fast Diet for some time now. Here’s the original post I wrote about it back in January.

https://positive3neg.wordpress.com/2015/01/19/is-there-a-fast-way-to-reduce-cancer-risk/

I’m all for people feeling comfortable in their own skin, whatever their size, and I think the whole diet industry conveniently ignores the data that says it’s your fitness that makes the most difference to your overall longevity, not your weight. I have friends that easily fit a size 14-16 who are very fit and healthy.

The problem for those of us with a high risk of breast cancer is that being overweight HAS been conclusively linked to higher risk. Maintaining a healthy weight is one of the best things we can do for our bodies. For those of us in the triple negative category it’s one of the best preventative steps we can take. There are no preventative medications available to us.

The trouble is that most diets are so misery-inducing you’d rather just eat what you want, be happy and carry the weight. I used to feel that way. I was never seriously overweight but I was carrying about 16 kilos more than I needed. Like most people I’d go through that cycle of deciding to diet, watching the weight creep off and then deciding that if I had to live that way I would rather be dead. (Of course I wouldn’t REALLY rather be dead! I smile now at how frequently I used to use that expression without really understanding what I was saying.)

Enter The Fast Diet. It’s based on good science, it’s become popular all over the planet, and it’s helped me to lose all of the weight I want and to keep it off. I thought it was time to give you all an update on the really surprising things about this way of eating.

I tried to limit this to ten things but I couldn’t.

So here’s the my top 13 surprising things about The Fast Diet:

1. It’s easy
Every other diet I’ve ever been on has been hard work. I’d be measuring portions or counting points or keeping diaries or craving ‘forbidden’ foods for months and months. I’d feel deprived and resentful. There are no banned foods on The Fast Diet and you only count calories on two days each week. The rest of the time you just eat a healthy diet with the occasional treat. Truth be told the first two weeks were hard work, but only on the two fast days. By week three it was just my new normal.

2. I can eat pizza!
I love pizza. I love melted cheese and crunchy pizza bases and everything that goes with it. I don’t want pizza every night but every so often I really want pizza. No problem. I’ve bought it. I’ve eaten it. I’ve still lost weight. We also love to eat out at fine dining restaurants and cheap, cheerful cafes. No problem. I can see why they call this ‘the foodies diet’. I have still eaten a healthy diet most days of the week but its so wonderful to enjoy good food without worrying about my weight.

3. I can’t eat pizza!
Well, I can, but I can’t finish it. One of the surprising things about this diet is that my appetite has been reduced on all seven days of the week. I’m just not as hungry as I used to be. I don’t know if this is because fasting teaches you that hunger is not life-threatening (and I suspect there’s some part of our lizard brain that makes us panic when we’re hungry), or because our stomach gets smaller and feels fuller with less food. I used to devour a medium sized pizza without a second thought. Now I really want to stop at half that amount. The great thing is that this is a choice. I’m full and I don’t want any more. It’s not because someone else is telling me I can’t have it. Bliss.

4. I don’t crave sugar or bread or biscuits….
I’m one of those people that used to get huge carbohydrate cravings. There’s been some recent research into the gut biome that’s discovered a bacteria that thrives on sugar. It can signal our brains and trick us into thinking we’re hungry, and that, in particular, we are hungry for the food it needs to survive. I suspect fasting either kills or reduces this bacteria. In any case, I no longer get cravings and I actually find myself not wanting sweet things. I know, right! I can walk past a packet of Tim Tams without a second thought. It’s a miracle!

5. I have more energy on fast days
I had expected to feel a bit lethargic on fast days and I’ve been really surprised by how energetic I feel. Once again, the first couple of weeks were hard work and I did feel weary. I had a headache and even some low level anxiety. But it passed. Now I find I have so much energy on a fast day that I need to plan to go to the gym or do some heavy work in the garden, or I’ll have trouble getting to sleep.

6. I need to drink a lot more water on fast days
I’m pretty sure the headaches in the first couple of weeks were at least partly due to dehydration. I also suspect that those sugar-eating bacteria were ramping up the chemicals as the fasting killed them off. I’ve realised that we get a good portion of our hydration from the food we eat, so on fast days I need to drink a lot more water. It’s also a great way to deal with hunger.

7. Hunger has an upper limit 
I thought that fasting would mean getting progressively hungrier as the day went on. I’m surprised to find that my hunger hits a peak at around 10.00am and then just hovers there for most of the day. I have a bit of a spike around 3.00pm to 4.00pm and if that’s really bad I’ll eat an apple and deduct those calories from my evening meal. Most of the time a drink of water and something to distract me will see the hunger pass really quickly.

8. There is no failure
If you’ve ever ‘been on a diet’ then you’ve also been off a diet. They’re notorious for making us feel like we’ve failed. I think the key to a lot of weight loss programs is that they get the credit for all the weight you lose and you get the blame for all the weight you don’t. The Fast Diet means eating normally for five days a week and just restricting your calories for two (or some other combination; see below). Unless you’re prone to binging or your diet is always unhealthy then I really think you can just eat normally for five days a week. Your appetite will naturally reduce over time. The best thing for me is that if I ‘come off’ the diet today I can just start my fast again tomorrow. And there’s always next week. I tend to bank fast days if I know I’m going to lunch with friends on a day when I’d usually fast but you can just as easily move the fast to one day later.

9. It’s really flexible
Once you understand the basic principles of fasting you can adapt it to suit what works best for you. My mum has lost a lot of weight just by eating her breakfast later each day and making sure she has nothing after her dinner. By narrowing the window of time during which she eats she’s effectively fasting each night. I’ve sometimes done two days in a row because the research on the anti-cancer benefits has focused on this type of fasting. Some people prefer to eat most of their calories in the morning and some prefer to eat them at night. Some split them into two meals. The surprising thing is how flexible this style of eating can be and how easily you can adapt it to what works best for you.

10. Fasting helps you learn what your body wants
When you’ve spent a day fasting you really notice how your body reacts to whatever you eat next. I’ve noticed that rice makes me bloated and that too much onion gives me heartburn. Because my hunger has been significantly reduced, I’m paying a lot more attention to making sure the food I do eat is nutritious. I’m back in touch with my body. It’s a good feeling.

11. Fasting has unexpected benefits
My eyes look bright and my hair is thick and shiny. Usually when you’re my age and you lose a lot of weight you expect it to age your face, but my skin looks great and I haven’t gone all wrinkly. I suspect this is because fasting triggers autophagy, the body’s ability to clean up dead and damaged cells. I’ve noticed that cuts and blemishes heal faster on fast days. I also noticed big steps forward in the healing of my mastectomy scars. It’s likely that fasting is also helping my body to kill off any potentially cancerous cells. It would be worth doing for that alone, even if I didn’t lose weight. This style of eating is also slightly contagious. Apart from my mum’s weight loss, my husband has also dropped an easy ten kilos, reducing his hereditary risk of heart attack.

12. I can eat this way for the rest of my life
The single biggest factor that has caused me to come off a diet in the past was the overwhelming sense of misery I felt, even if I lost weight. I once achieved the same weight I am now through Weight Watchers and then sustained it long enough to become a lifetime member. I was resentful of matchbox-sized serves of cheese and palm-sized serves of meat. I spent hours each day calculating points and feeling deprived when I couldn’t eat what I wanted and stay within my limits. I felt cheated by the realisation that the more weight I lost the less points I’d have so the less food I’d be allowed to eat. What’s surprised me about fasting is that I have easily lost weight without feeling deprived and I’ve kept it off. Some days I get to lunch time and realise I haven’t eaten yet. Incredible! I’m much more aware of the difference between thirst and hunger and I’m much more inclined to eat just enough rather than over eating. These are all of the things that Weight Watchers was trying to achieve but without the misery and constant feelings of deprivation.

13. I am really, really happy
I think some of this has to do with conquering sugar cravings without even trying and the beneficial effects that has on my blood sugar. I also suspect that not having nasty little bacteria messing with my brain helps and I am overjoyed to be at my target weight. But mostly this is about finally breaking out of that cycle of self-bullying, deprivation, anxiety and misery that is traditional dieting. I love food. I love eating good food. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life feeling anxious about what I put in my mouth. I don’t want to look in the mirror and insult myself for not being ‘strong enough’ or ‘committed enough’. The biggest surprise for me has been the way this form of eating has given me a great relationship with food and eating. I’ve lost 16 kilos and I’ve kept it off easily. I’m naturally choosing healthier foods because that’s what I feel like eating.

Oh, and did I mention that I’m also reducing my risk of cancer?

 

 

 

 

Negotiating the Anxiety Tunnel

Having recently experienced the anxiety that comes with discovering a lump, waiting for a doctor’s appointment with a long weekend in between and then waiting for tests and results I’m now reflecting on what I call ‘the anxiety tunnel’.

Anyone whose ever faced a cancer diagnosis will be familiar with the tunnel. We travel through it when we’re first diagnosed and don’t know what that diagnosis will mean. We head back into it when we’re waiting for the results of biopsies, or pathology after surgery. Sadly, some people find themselves feeling like the tunnel is their new permanent residence, as anxiety about recurrence becomes a regular shadow over their lives.

I had a message recently from a regular reader of this blog. She wanted to know how I deal with the anxiety. She tells me that her distress in similar situations is so overwhelming that she’s desperate for any advice that might help. So here are my top ten tips for negotiating the anxiety tunnel:

1. Treat It Like The Flu
You know how when you have the flu you just expect to not be your best? I find it helps to have the same attitude to anxiety. I think of it as ‘anxiety flu’. I accept that until I get my results or reach the end point of my uncertainty, I’m just not going to feel my best. This is normal. I am not ‘going crazy’. Adjust your expectations of yourself for the next few days. You’re not going to be firing on all cylinders. What can you delegate? What can you postpone? What can you ignore? Like any bout of illness it’s also worth paying attention to what you put in your body. It’s okay to eat less if you’re not hungry. Drink plenty of water so you don’t dehydrate and try to make sure that what you do eat is nourishing.

2. Breathe
One of the first physical changes that most of us experience with anxiety is a tendency to hold our breath or to breathe quickly and into the top of our lungs. Sit quietly. Put one hand on your heart and one on your belly. Breathe deeply and slowly into your belly and feel it expand. Try to make your exhale longer than your inhale. Hold yourself gently, the way you’d hold a baby or a cuddly animal. Close your eyes if that helps. Just sitting like this for a few minutes can calm your nervous system.

3. Ask For Help
Our friends and family really love feeling useful. Let people know what they can do to help. You might have practical tasks that need doing. You might feel too anxious to drive and need a lift somewhere. You might need help with some of the other things on this list. Ask.

4. Repeat After Me
In the Hindu tradition, a mantra is a phrase or group of sounds with spiritual significance. Practitioners believe that by reciting a mantra you can bring about physical and spiritual changes in the body and in the world around you. You don’t need to be Hindu, or even spiritual, to try this technique. Essentially you either recite a phrase out loud or to yourself, repeating it until you feel more peaceful. The simplest mantra is ‘Om’ or ‘Oum’ and I do find that singing this out loud is very calming. I also have some favourite phrases that I repeat to myself. You can use any of these or come up with some of your own:
* This too shall pass
* It is what it is
* Let it go
* Where there is life there is hope
* You’re not dead yet!
Some people find the last one a bit macabre but I’ve found it useful to jolt me out of my downward spiral into imagining my own funeral.

5. Play Some Music
We all know music can have a profound effect on our emotions. I’ve put together a collection of music that either helps me to relax or lifts my mood and I use it to ease my passage through the anxiety tunnel. I like ‘Sacred Earth’ with their kirtan inspired repertoire for relaxation, along with just about anything composed to accompany yoga. To lift my spirits I’ve got songs I like to listen to or sing, particularly “I will survive”.

6. Exercise
Anxiety means your body gets flooded with adrenaline and cortisol. It’s these hormones that give you the jitters and keep you awake at night. Exercise is a great way to help your body process these chemicals and return to normal. A caution here; ‘boot camp’ styles of exercise (including those where your internal talk sounds like a boot camp instructor) will make things worse because they generate more adrenaline and cortisol. You need exercise that is a combination of strenuous and relaxing. Try a brisk walk in a beautiful location, riding a bike, dancing to music, yoga or lifting weights that are well within your capacity. If you’re a gym member and your local gym has a power plate (a vibrating thing that you stand on) these are reputed to help your body reduce cortisol. Worth a try.

7. If You’re Feeling Crabby, Get to Water
Warm baths, warm showers, a swim in the ocean on a hot day, a hot tub or spa bath, all of these have the potential to help you relax when you’re feeling crabby. If the weather is warm enough, one of my favourites is to float on my back in a pool and look at the sky. I remember that my mind is like the sky and my thoughts are like the clouds. They will pass.

8. Meditation and Mindfulness
It’s possibly the most common prescription for anxiety and the one least taken. It think that’s because even sitting still is difficult when we’re in the tunnel. Our minds are so noisy and busy that even the suggestion of meditation seems laughable. Of course, the times we most need meditation are the times when it seems the hardest to achieve! I’ve found some recordings that I really like and when I’m feeling anxious I know these will help. I’ll admit that I’m sometimes on day three or four of my anxiety before I reluctantly admit to myself that it’s about time I stuck the headphones in my ears. Even if you don’t feel like meditation you might like to try mindfulness. This is simply the act of being present, or paying attention to what’s right in front of you and living in the moment rather than worrying about the future or the past. There’s a lot of great mindfulness and meditation resources on the net. Just google to find something that suits you.

9. Decide How Busy You Want To Be
Some people negotiate the tunnel best when they are alone, or just in the company of a few chosen companions. Others are best distracted by company or activities. Which are you? It’s good to have a clear idea of how busy you want to be before you enter the tunnel. If you know you’re better off alone then clear the decks, batten down the hatches and give yourself permission to nest. If you need to be occupied then think about what kind of activities will help. Most recently I happened to find lumps just before a long weekend with two big gatherings scheduled. Both were a welcome distraction. Some people follow the ‘laughter is the best medicine’ recommendation and break out comedy DVDs or even children’s movies. If you’ve never seen ‘The Leggo Movie’ I highly recommend it. The big message here is that it’s okay to put yourself first in this situation, regardless of your prior obligations or anyone’s expectations. People will understand.

10. Contact
It’s usually when my husband opens his arms and says “come here” that I remember the profound effect that physical contact can have on anxiety. Just having someone hold you for a while can make a world of difference. When I’m anxious I appreciate all the contact I can get. I’ll sometimes pay for a massage or ask a friend for a hug. Even having someone hold my hands helps. Physical connection helps us feel safe and cherished. I think of all my strategies for dealing with anxiety, this one is the most effective.

A Warning About Flow
I’ve seen a lot of articles that recommend using whatever it is that puts you into ‘flow’ for dealing with anxiety. For those unfamiliar with the concept, flow is that experience of enjoying something so much that time just seems to fly by; you are so engrossed in the activity that it captures your full attention. Essentially this is another version of mindfulness. My concern is that if you attempt a favourite activity while you’re anxious there’s the potential for stress to suck the joy out of it. I love gardening. Sometimes when I’m anxious, being in the garden is a great way to anchor myself in the present and occupy my mind. Other times it’s a half-hearted distraction that adds to my anxiety as I find myself making obvious mistakes or becoming submerged in my own thoughts. If you find that a favourite ‘flow’ activity helps you to achieve mindfulness then that’s a great strategy, but be prepared to abandon it and try something else if it’s just making you more anxious.

So that’s my top ten.

Please consider it a menu rather than a prescription.

These are the things I find useful but they might not appeal to you. I’d encourage you to try some of them, even if they feel a bit awkward or odd. Reading about dealing with anxiety is a bit like reading about riding a bike. You’re not going to achieve anything until you actually have a go.

You might feel a bit challenged and out of balance at first but with patience and practice you’ll probably find that things get easier. I’d also encourage anyone that’s feeling overwhelmed by anxiety to seek the support of a professional psychologist or counsellor, particularly one with training in Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT).

You do not need to spend the rest of your life living in the anxiety tunnel. It is possible to return to having a happy and rewarding life.

If you can’t afford to pay for a therapist then contact cancer support organisations in your area or google phone and online support services. One of the positives of dealing with cancer is that there’s a lot of great support out there.

There is light at the end of the tunnel.