How to Change Your Mind

There was another shooting this week.

This one was in the USA so it got lots of news coverage here. It could have been anywhere. All over the planet there are similar examples of violence and hatred. It feels like a vicious circle; a shooting happens and the response is anger and hatred, and the anger and hatred build and bounce until someone else snaps and the whole cycle starts again.

What to do.

If you’re a caring, compassionate person events like this one can leave you feeling hopeless. What’s to become of our species?

It’s an acute form of the same kind of distress we experience when we’re confronted with selfish, greedy people that don’t care about the planet or the other animals we share it with, or selfish, greedy people that don’t care about other people.

What to do?

I see friends responding with anger towards these types of events. There are cynical posts on Facebook, heart-felt expletives, conversations through teeth ground down by years of frustration.

And then an afternoon spent looking for something entirely different leads me to the work of Tania Singer. I was concerned about the way world events can be deeply distressing to highly empathic people. As an ex-police officer with a history of PTSD I now avoid the news. It’s just too upsetting. There’s so much research about how easy it is for us to ‘catch’ the emotional distress of others. So when I caught sight of this article in an issue of New Scientist I was drawn to it:

How Sharing Other People’s Feelings Can Make You Sick : New Scientist 2016

You’ll need to pay to read the whole article but if you’re the kind of person that’s deeply affected by distressing events I recommend it. Does this resonate with you:

Overdosing on the misfortunes of others is not just a problem for those in high-exposure professions such as nursing. All of us are vulnerable to catching the pain of others, making us angrier, unhappier, and possibly even sicker.

What was really interesting to me about this article was that the research done by Singer and her colleagues provides some great strategies for combating this distress. Teaching people how to meditate on loving kindness, and how to become better at observing their emotional responses to different situations can have a protective and healing impact.

Impressively, these processes can actually change your brain. Singer demonstrates using MRI’s how their program altered the neural activity in their research participants. She and her team have also demonstrated that these changes do more than just improve individual wellbeing; they also change the way we treat each other.

In tests that examine economic modelling and how people behave, Singer’s team established that meditation and other cognitive awareness practices shifted people’s behaviour from selfish to generous, from individualistic to cooperative.

If you’d like to learn more then here’s the link:
Tania Singer: How to Train Your Mind and Your Heart

This work relevant to anyone interested in social change and the evolution of our species beyond our current state. Compassion and extending loving kindness can change our brains and lead us to behave in more compassionate ways.

All those from religious traditions that believe meditation can change humanity are, in fact, correct.

The flip side of this is that a world filled with hate, cynicism and negativity has the potential to hard wire us for competition, greed and cynicism. When we give in to anger we’re doing to opposite of meditating on loving kindness and our brains (and lives) will suffer as a result.

I was on a course recently with a wonderful group of people that genuinely care about humanity and the planet. Even given this strong, positive bias I was surprised by the level of anger and negativity in some people. ‘The one percent’ came in for a lot of hatred, as did individuals seen as belonging to it. There was even some conflict within the group as some people decided who they did and didn’t connect with. Even here, there were the seeds of weeds that become violence.

Is it really as simple as loving everyone? Even the greedy and the violent, even the destructive and the selfish? And is that even possible?

There are reasons to practice meditation in any case. Evidence suggests it can protect your brain from the effects of ageing, provide you with a calmer, happier life and help you to overcome depression and anxiety. There are lots of free meditations available on the internet if you’d like to give it a try, or just do this:

  1. Find a comfortable, quiet place to sit. Hold your body in a neutral position – not too relaxed or too stiff. You want to be comfortable but you want to avoid falling asleep.
  2. You don’t have to close your eyes but many people find it helpful.
  3. Listen. What can you hear. Spend a few moments paying attention to the world around you.
  4. Now focus on your body and how it feels. Feel where it’s in contact with the chair. Feel your clothing against your skin.
  5. Shift your focus to your breathing. Notice that it’s cooler breathing in and warmer breathing out.
  6. Your mind will drift. This is normal. Be relaxed about it. Imagine that your mind is the sky and the thoughts that try to pull you away are like birds that fly across the sky. You can notice the bird and let it fly past. Bring your attention gently back to the sky.
  7. Now cultivate a feeling of loving kindness. Think of someone you love (If you struggle to think of a person then try a loved pet) and feel the emotion build up inside you. Imagine this feeling is like the sun, shining in the sky.
  8. Extend a feeling of loving kindness out into the world. Start with yourself. Bathe yourself in loving kindness. Then extend it to your close friends and family. Wish the very best for them; their health, their happiness and that they should also achieve peaceful and compassionate minds.
  9. Now extend loving kindness beyond the people that you know to the people that you don’t know. Remember this feeling is sunshine and it doesn’t discriminate; just like the sun it shines on everyone. If you struggle to shine loving kindness on some people, imagine them as small children or babies. Cultivate loving kindness towards all humanity.
  10. Now extend loving kindness to all life on earth. To trees and animals and microscopic life. To fungus and whales and chickens and lizards. Everything that lives can experience your loving sunshine.
  11. As you do this, your thoughts will continue to drift. This is normal. Just gently bring them back. You might like to imagine that your loving kindness is a river flowing out into the world and your distracting thoughts are like leaves on top of that water. Just let them float by.

You only need to set aside five or ten minutes a day to do this. After a while it becomes like cleaning your teeth. It’s just part of your routine. There are other ‘mindfulness’ practices like yoga and tai chi that will also help you to develop your meditation skill, but remember that it’s specifically a meditation on loving kindness and the practice of extending compassion to others that will have measurable benefits for you.

From personal experience, this practice has been extremely beneficial in helping me to live with post traumatic stress disorder. Part of my policing career involved child protection work, so you can imagine the challenges I face when it comes to extending loving kindness to all human beings.

But I do. Even to the offenders I’ve arrested. They were once children too.

Perhaps my greatest challenge has been to move beyond the anger and hatred that I used to feel for these people. They are not monsters, and treating them as monsters is only feeding the creature. I sometimes laugh at the realisation that The Beatles knew the answer and I’ve been hearing it all my life; Love really IS all you need.

I’m not saying it’s easy to avoid being pulled back into old patterns. When a shooting happens or I hear that the Great Barrier Reef is dying or I read that a politician has acted in a greedy, selfish way it’s simpler to just get angry and to launch into a rant. And then I remember that hate makes me part of the problem.

I sometimes wonder why adults that would not allow their children to bully other children with name-calling are perfectly okay with doing exactly the same thing to other adults via social media. Does calling Donald Trump a dickhead really make a difference? Or does it feed into the dynamic that allows him to exist at all.

One of the most common despairs of anyone passionate about the planet and the people on it is this: How do we change the minds of the destructive and selfish? It turns out that the answer was in our question the whole time: by changing their minds. Perhaps we need to focus on finding ways to engage these people in compassionate meditation. The research suggests it could shift their behaviour.

In the mean time, we can be the change we want in the world and work on refraining from the kind of behaviour that will make our brains like their brains. Could it be that simple? Maybe the next time you’re tempted to share an insulting thought or denigrate a public figure, pause and give thought to what you’re cultivating.

What’s most interesting to me about all of this new research is the extent to which it validates some very old philosophy. Buddhists have been teaching compassionate meditation for generations. The minds of Buddhist monks look very different under MRI analysis. They have changed their minds.

When events like mass shootings happen I am now able to avoid the anger and depression, not least of all because I recognise that these emotions feed the creature. Change is possible. We have the means for our own evolution. Spread the word.

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2 thoughts on “How to Change Your Mind

  1. Great article Meg,

    I have always felt that we have the choice to be happy or angry, and those that are unhappy, sad, angry are that way because of many circumstances that they have been exposed to over time. It is our responsibility to assist those in unfortunate circumstances to change and hopefully see that living in harmony with others and nature is so much easier than being agro towards others or things!

    Our society is pushing for the “I” being the most important being, and if “I” don’t have this or that, or don’t do this or that, then I am not complete!

    As you mentioned, people behave badly because they have not been loved, or taught to love themselves as valuable members of society. Loving someone is an unconditional act by one human towards another. It don’t mean we ‘like’ all they do, but we value them as a human being like ourselves. Accepting others is so much easier than condemning them, learning to live with differences makes life interesting and loving others is the basis for perfection.

    If each of us can help another to ‘love’ themselves and love others, we can make a huge difference.

    As for the ‘news’….it’s not news when they tell us today, what will be on the news tomorrow!!! It is mostly contrived stories to fill up an hour…in which they repeat the stories 3 times or more and fill the rest with sport (don’t get me started on those guys!) When will people demand a ‘good’ news program. There are many people each day doing good towards others, helping, volunteering, making things for others etc, etc I’m sure we could fill 30 mins of good news each day…..but would it ‘sell’ to the advertisers that pay for the adds??

    Enough rambling for now, I’m off to do something for someone…..prepare dinner!

    R x

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