A Day of Rest

I might be about to officially enter the ranks of ‘old person’. I’m going to write about something we used to do when I was young that doesn’t happen anymore. ‘In my day…..’

Please don’t misunderstand me. I’m generally not sentimental about the past. I think our species has come a long way in the last fifty or so years. We are, on the whole, less violent, more tolerant and more interested in family and community than we are in power or the accumulation of personal possessions.

But I miss Sundays.

When I was a kid the shops were closed on Sunday. Saturday was the day you went shopping. If you were fortunate enough to live in a country town you also spent a lot of time saying hello to other people, stopping for a polite chat with those that weren’t close friends, but were part of your community. A lot of people also relegated time on Saturdays to cleaning the house or mowing the lawn.

Sundays were for resting.

For those that were members of a church or other religious congregation, Sundays were a day of gathering and worship. For everyone else there were the secular traditions; a Sunday roast with immediate or extended family, a walk or a nap after lunch, a quiet corner with a good book and an early night so we were all well rested for the week to come.

I wonder to what extent the chronic stress, anxiety and depression that now plagues us can be traced to the introduction of Sunday trading. You can now shop seven days a week. Thanks to online shopping, you can now shop 24 hours a day.

Marketing has always played with human psychology. It’s designed to make us want what we didn’t know we wanted. Its primary weapons are greed and anxiety. It seeks to convince us that more stuff will make us happier, more attractive, more successful. Even though we know in our hearts that this is untrue, we buy anyway.

This week three things bubbled to the surface of my world. The first was a piece about two studies into human behaviour that have been running for around 70 years. They’ve been tracking participants since they were kids at college in the USA. They can now tell us what it is that leads to people declaring their lives successful and happy. It’s connection to other people. Imagine! Not wealth or power or fame. It’s all about the quality of your relationships with others.

The next bubble was an article about resilience. Researchers are recommending that all the techniques for dealing with trauma and stress are of little benefit to us if we don’t take time to rest and recharge. It’s the quality of our time out that makes the difference.

How interesting that both pieces of research seem to be stating the glaringly obvious.

The final bubble in this week’s mix was a tiny purple flower that appeared on Facebook. It allowed us to express our gratitude. In addition to indicating that we liked or loved something, or were amused, amazed or angered by it, we could show our gratitude. A few days after it was introduced it was gone. There’s a petition to bring it back. I loved it. So did a lot of other people.

The research into expressing gratitude shows us that doing it regularly is good for us. It helps us to be happier with what we have. It pushes back against the marketing onslaught and allows us to look around our existing environment and appreciate that, for most of us, we already have enough. Gratitude also reminds us that the things that matter most to us are our relationships with other people, the opportunities we have to connect with nature and fun we have when we take time out from work.

I wonder if there’s a group of highly paid psychologists somewhere, recommending the Facebook owners avoid anything that encourages people to express gratitude. It can’t be good for business. If we are focusing on what we have and the importance of relationships and experiences over things, we are surely much less likely to want to spend money on things we didn’t need in the first place. We might even decide to spend less time on Facebook.

For my part, I’m signing the petition to bring back the grateful flower, I’m continuing to limit Facebook to no more than an hour in the morning and I’m spending time each Sunday recording seven things I’m grateful for.

I’m also reinstating a commitment to Sunday as a day of rest. That might mean lunch on the verandah with good friends or just going for a relaxing walk with my husband. There will definitely be more reading and the occasional trip to the movies. I also want to spend more time sitting in the garden and just enjoying it, rather than planting, weeding and mulching. It’s not that I don’t enjoy the gardening. It’s that I want to stop and appreciate the outcome.

I hope this week you’ll find some time to rest and recover. Maybe it’s time to reflect on your achievements or the quality of your close relationships. Maybe it’s escaping into a book or a movie. Whatever you decide to do, know that you’re doing your mind, your body and your spirit a favour. Rest is undervalued. I think it’s time we turned that around.

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Play

I usually start the new year with a very clear idea of what my theme is going to be. I wrote about this back at the beginning of January. Usually it comes to me as an obvious choice; last year it was ‘health’. A bit of a no-brainer really.

This year I was throwing around ideas about learning, creativity, listening, paying more attention to the people I love…….and while all of these seemed like good ideas, nothing really jumped out at me. When this sort of situation emerges, as it does from time to time, I think it’s best to trust the process and wait. Yes, it can feel a bit drifty for a while but then, as surely as the sun appears to rise, I move towards the place I need to be and it’s suddenly there on the horizon.

This week a woman I admire but do not know well sent me this video. She’s an amazing artist and was advertising workshops for the coming year. She attached this half hour piece by John Cleese on creativity:

Creativity; making the time and space for it.

If you have the time to watch it I highly recommend it. If not, here’s the short summary. Creativity happens when we make space for it and when we recognise that it’s a particular mode. We have our day to day mode of operating in the real world but to be creative we need to shift into a mode where we are free to explore the new and the unusual. Cleese suggests that it’s worth timetabling this, actually setting aside a half hour or an hour just to see what emerges.

Importantly he recommends play as the great generator of creativity. The solemn and the serious are the enemies of creativity. Play frees us of our usual constraining thought patterns and allows the new and unusual to emerge.

It’s also just fun.

This was the word I’d been looking for: Play.

I’m going to spend more time this year being playful. I’m going to approach everyday things with a sense of play. I’m going to laugh more and play with the people I love for the joy of it, without expectation or purpose, just for the fun of it.

Already I’m noticing the difference this single word can make to my day. I was heading out to have lunch with a friend on Monday and before I left the house I reminded myself: Play. My friend is always wonderful company but I suspect I was better company for being so light hearted.

I’m inclined to be serious, judgemental, argumentative and stern. It’s almost certainly a hangover from my policing career. I’m likely to be the wet blanket that worries about personal injury or gives you unsolicited advice about leaching chemicals in plastics or oxalic acid in kale. It’s not a lot of fun. It doesn’t make me fun to be around.

This year will be about shifting that default setting. I’ve had a couple of years of some very stern and serious stuff. I need a break and so does everyone close to me. Actually, I need a permanent shift towards playfulness.

I sometimes wonder if the great joy experienced by new grandparents is partly to do with the fact that babies give you permission to play again. We can make silly noises, pull funny faces and roll about on the floor. Why should we need babies to give ourselves permission to do that?

I’ve always balked at those memes that advocate never growing up. To my mind, being a grown up is just about taking responsibility for the consequences of your actions. It doesn’t mean you can’t be joyful or silly or playful. I sometimes wonder if what the authors of these memes are really saying is that we all need a bit more play in our lives. We shouldn’t see it as childish or immature (or perhaps we shouldn’t see ‘childish’ as insulting!). We should consider it one of the great joys of life.

When I watch dolphins leaping for the sheer joy of it, or dogs playing tag with each other, or cats wrestling but not hurting each other it occurs to me that play is natural, normal and probably essential.

John Cleese suggests that humour and play are the space that make creativity possible. We don’t latch on to the first solution we think of. We don’t rely upon the best known way. Play throws up unusual combinations and possibilities. It relieves us of the everyday pressures of life and makes space for something new.

I think it’s great advice when approaching any kind of creative pursuit. I like to paint and I know my painting improves when I just let it happen and don’t think about it too much. Start getting too analytical and it all falls apart. I’m going to try intentional playfulness with anything creative to see what happens.

I also think that play is worthwhile for its own sake. We should set aside some time to be joyful just to be joyful. If we solve world hunger or invent a better mousetrap in the process then that’s an wonderful product of our play, but I don’t think it should be our goal. Play for the fun of it. Approach ordinary activities with a sense of play. Set aside time to play with people you care about.

That’s what I’ll be doing this year.